What does it mean when I say that I love someone? It’s so very important, when discussing such delicate matters, to be sure to define all of our terms. I am attracted to people who resonate with my aesthetic, or with whom I perceive an energetic congruency. I like people that I resonate with a little, I love people that I resonate with a lot, and I consider myself to be ‘in love’ with people with whom I have become entrained. My conscious will plays a role in this process, but it does not control it. […]
Relationships are living systems. They’re dissipative structures. They require permeable boundaries in order to survive. Walled off from the world they will starve, but they’ll fail just as surely if they’re utterly unbounded, offering no framework in which the organizing principle can manifest itself. […]
Fidelity doesn’t necessarily imply monogamy – it just means having a high signal to noise ratio.
—The Teafaerie, “High Fidelity“
What’s a page about sex and relationships doing on this website? I’m very interested in looking at ways of thinking and acting, and seeing which practices are likely to promote self-actualization and which ones tend toward self-frustration. I also want to explore the areas where ideas about intimacy intersect with other topics I’m passionate about, like systems theory and questions of identity.
It seems to me that some of the most persistent sources of frustration for many people center around strategies for meeting the universal human needs for sexual expression and intimate connection. Whether or not you’re into a hierarchical understanding of needs, this is a big one. Plus, if folks get hung up on zero-sum ways of thinking or behavior patterns that aren’t working out to meet their need for intimacy, they’re apt to be tying up a lot of time and energy that’s not available for exploring other questions.
There are many other resources offering detailed discussions and advice on these topics, and I don’t claim to be an authority on the subject, nor do I intend to make sex and relationships a focus of this site. Instead, I would like to approach these ideas as I would any others, with curiosity, openness, and mindfulness. I hope this approach will help normalize thoughtful conversations about sexuality and help dissolve unproductive taboos and shame around talking about sex.
- The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
- Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
- Savage Love by Dan Savage – A weekly advice column and podcast
- Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross – “Better Orgasms. Better World.”
- Polyamory in the News
- Polyskeptic – Atheist, polyamorous skeptics
- Savage Lovecast – Weekly on Tuesdays
- Polyamory Weekly – Tales from the front of responsible non-monogamy from a pansexual, kink-friendly point of view