Robust and flexible communications tools and systems are essential for discovering and untangling double binds, knots, and all the other myriad coordination pretzels that humans get ourselves into. This applies to communication between people, and also affects the way we talk to ourselves.
Books
- Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg
- Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton, and Heen (of the Harvard Negotiation Project)
- Crucial Conversations, by Patterson and others
- Getting to Yes with Yourself (and Other Worthy Opponents), by William Ury
- This is partially a book about negotiation, and also so much more. A great overview of developing the self-trust to speak up about what you need and value
Books on communicating with kids
These are useful not just for parents, but also for “reparenting and reculturing ourselves.”
- Raising Human Beings, by Ross Greene
- How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- They also have one for teens
- Note: This book was originally published in 1980, and it has more casual references to parents hitting and spanking their children than I’d expect for a book published today. (The authors don’t recommend spanking or punitive punishment. Finding alternative ways of talking and listening is the main subject of the book.)
Articles and Essays
- Ask and Guess – Less Wrong
- Tell Culture – Less Wrong
- Double Crux — A Strategy for Resolving Disagreement – Less Wrong
- “I delay writing back to people and then never do it — can I fix this?” – Ask A Manager
